


Memories of a King

by NomadicStardust



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: After Season 7, Alfor is a Problem, Altean Lance (Voltron), Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, I am so sorry, I give before I take away, Langst, M/M, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Visions in dreams, i fixed the uniform colours, langst later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-07-29 16:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16267829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NomadicStardust/pseuds/NomadicStardust
Summary: Lance has been having weird dreams for months now, about fights he's never fought in and aliens he's never met. He thought it was pretty cool, until one of his dreams featured Princess Allura... now he is not so sure.





	1. I Dream of a Princess

_He watched as Allura ran to him through the juniberry flowers, looking so much like Melenor, he could cry. She was his everything, and he wanted to give her the universe. As she came closer, he scooped her into his arms and spun her around, laughing as she screamed in delight. He loved this, loved these quiet moments together with his daughter._

_“Father,” asked Allura as they stopped spinning. “Will you teach me how to fight? I want to be strong like you and become a paladin of Voltron.”_

_He smiled gently, but inside his stomach dropped. He worked so hard to bring peace to the universe so that she would never have to don that armour… or carry those scars._

_“I know I can help you father, won’t you trust me? Please?” Allura begged, seeing the conflict in her father’s eyes._

_“Of course, my Heart, I’d trust you with all the stars in the Cosmos,” He promised as he kissed her forehead. “How about we go see if the practice grounds are open…..”_

Lance bolted upright, fully awake and doubly confused. Why was he having dreams about Allura as a little kid? She was adorable, sure, and even now he could feel that all encompassing love for her that was so prevalent in the dream… but he hadn’t thought he was so smitten with the princess that he would dream of her.

The red paladin was used to weird dreams at this point, but usually they were of him fighting grand battles with his bayard in sword form, and flirting with aliens on planets they had never visited. In those dreams he was a leader and skilled in both diplomacy and sword-work - he had even incorporated some of the dream moves into his actually swordplay, earning him some impressed comments. Lance had always thought they were just PTSD or something - they all had it at this point… but maybe these dreams were different.

Shaking his head as if trying to dislodge the dream, Lance looked at his clock and saw there were still 2 hours before he had to get up, but he decided to get ready for the day instead of trying to get more sleep. They were supposed to do group training this morning anyways, and he was sure Keith would be completely shocked to see Lance there AHEAD of schedule.

Grinning at the thought, Lance quickly completed his morning skin routine and donned his red armour. They had finally switched to colour match lions, but he still didn’t like how he looked in it - too much red in his complexion. Grabbing his helmet and his bayard, he headed towards the garrison grounds where they said to meet, thoughts still drifting too his dream, which was now even weirder because he remembered it.

Thinking back on it with some clarity, the love for Allura in his dream, it didn’t feel like one of his crushes, and he would know with the amount he tended to have at any given time, it was more like what he felt for his family, but stronger. Reaching the field Lance found that, despite the hour, he was not the first one to arrive. That honour still, miraculously, went to Keith who was running laps in the early morning light. Lance smiled as he watched the black paladin. Yeah they had gotten off on the wrong foot, but thats just because Lance was horrible at trying to hide feelings, usually he just blurted them out and was done, but eventually everything had been sorted out and they were closer than ever. It only slightly frustrated Lance that he still hadn’t confessed to Keith… his feelings were still strong - even after the weird Allura dream, but he didn’t want to ruin what they had.

“Hey mullet,” Lance called to get Keith’s attention. “Don’t you know what sleep is?”

Keith ignored the jab and continued his lap, but eventually reached the end and stopped in front of Lance, grinning. “Well Lance, some of us don’t NEED 16 hours to ensure ‘maximum facial restoration.’ Besides, it’s nice to have some time to be… less crowded.”

Lance didn’t even have to ask, even he was feeling the effects of being surrounded by so many people after being isolated that long. He found himself getting exhausted easily as he tried to socialize with everyone on base, and even wound up sneaking away to hide in the red lion. Keith, who was a loner by nature, had to be feeling it with even more intensity.

“I feel ya buddy,” Lance affirmed, placing his hand of Keith’s shoulder as the two locked eyes. The two took the moment to stand together in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

“Holy shit, could you guys be any more gay!” called Pidge coming onto the field, followed by Shiro, who was already scolding Pidge for their vulgarity, and Hunk, who had brought snacks. Lance retracted his hand like he just touched a burning stove and turned away in an attempt not to show the blush creeping onto his face.

“It’s nothing like that,” said Keith, as he frowned at the youngest paladin. Lance felt a pang of hurt at the statement despite himself. “He was just trying to cheer me up.”

Pidge rolled their eyes. “Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night. I swear you two of are worse than daytime TV.”

“How DARE you,” gasped Lance in mock insult. “We are worth a primetime special at the very LEAST!”

“Guys let’s focus,” said Shiro as Pidge and Lance devolved into giggles. Keith just looked confused. “We don’t have the field for very long today, so we need to make the most of it.”

“Shiro is absolutely right,” intoned Allura as she and Coran came up behind them. The princess was holding a pile of ropes in her arms. “That’s why today, our bonding exercise is going to be a race.”

“Um, alright,” said Hunk. “Should I just sit this one out then, we all know I’m not really built for speed…”

“Don’t worry Number 2,” replied Coran as he held up one of the ropes. “We’re going to even the playing field with these.”

“We are going to split into pairs and tie one leg of each pair together so they have to run in tandem.” explained Allura. “Coran will also be laying some traps to ensure that it is teamwork, and NOT speed, that will give different teams an edge.”

“Awww yeah,” cheered Lance as he punched the air. “Me and Keith are going to wipe the floor with you guys - I am the KING of three-legged races.”

“Actually Lance, we trying to improve weaker bonds not stronger ones, so Keith is going to be paired with Hunk. Shiro will be with Pidge, and you will -”

“-be paired with the most beautiful princess in the universe.” Lance winked, making the whole team groan in annoyance.

“N _ooooo_ ” moaned Pidge. “He’s going to spew cheesy pick up lines the ENTIRE TIME. I would rather lose to him and Keith.”

Hunk just smiled as he shook his head. “Just give it up Pidge, it’s inevitable. He wouldn’t be Lance otherwise.”

Coran started explaining the rules as the the pairs roped themselves together. Lance could barely pay attention though as his thoughts drifted to the princess who was already discussing the strategic advantages of them being closer to the same height than the other teams. It had to be coincidence that they would pair together today, but was it actually? After that dream, he really couldn’t be sure and his heart wasn’t helping matters in the least.

“Lance are you even listening?” asked the Altean tied to his leg. Lance quickly pulled himself out of his thoughts and focused on the present again. All the other teams were ready at the starting line, meaning he had been distracted far too long.

“Sorry Princess,” replied the red paladin with a smile. “I’ll try to stay focused.”

Allura nodded and the two made their way to the starting line. Their gate was a little odd at first, until Lance matched his stride to hers and they made their way over like they had always been attached. Looking down the line, Shiro and Pidge looked almost comical with their height differences and while Lance wasn’t sure how, he knew Pidge had a plan to fix the problem. Hunk and Keith looked more traditional, with Keith draping his arm over his partner’s shoulders, but the mullet boy looked grumpy and kept stealing glances over to Lance and Allura.

“On my call, Paladins,” called Coran, having placed his traps. “Go!”

“Winner gets out of chores for the next week!” called Pidge and the race was on. It was soon apparent how Pidge had decide to correct the height problems in her own configuration.

“NO FAIR THAT’S CHEATING!!” Lance accused as Shiro raced past them while Pidge clung to his leg like a monkey. Pidge’s maniac laughter trailed back as the other two teams struggled to catch up.

Pidge’s ingenuity didn’t get them too far though, as they reached the first trap - hurdles. Shiro tried to jump the hurdles regardless, but only managed to get high enough to smack Pidge in the face with them and then, much too the small paladin’s annoyance, stopped and immediately started to check if Pidge was all right.

“Ge’off me Shiro!” demanded Pidge. “I REFUSE to lose to those idiots!”

It was too late because “those idiots” had caught up and, with two sets of incredibly long legs, managed the hurdles with ease. Lance was so bold as to make a face a Pidge in passing, though he knew he would regret it later. Keith and Hunk… well, they did their best. The other two traps went just the same; Lance easily hit the moving targets with the provided beanbags, and Allura all but single-handedly cleared the wall climb (it Left Lance hanging onto Allura’s back for a bit, but he used that time to ridicule the other teams so it was good). The final trap, a fight against a training android, was not so easily won however. The two struggled as their easy flow was disrupted by the heat of battle.

“Lance, I told you to to go right,” Allura said with exasperation as they, once again, found themselves on the ground after trying to go different directions.”Why do you keep ignoring me?”

“But if I gone right the stupid bot would have hit me!!” rebutted Lance, tired and sore from his leg being tugged in the wrong direction. Allura groaned in frustration.

“Lance, I have a plan, you just need to TRUST me. Please.” Lance felt it, that same overwhelming love and belief in Allura he had felt in the dream, tinged with strange pride at how far she had come. He didn’t even think before he answered, sure in his belief.

“I’d trust you with all the stars in the cosmos, Princess. Let’s do it.” The red paladin didn’t notice Allura’s hesitation before focusing on the task before them and explaining her plan. It was simple, but Lance could feel his nerves shake as he shut his eyes and held Allura’s hand. He focused on keeping his feet as the princess lead him blind around the battlefield. To his credit, he only wimpered once, when he felt the droid’s sword swing in front of his face, but he held firm and kept his promise to only move where the Altean lead.

“Now Lance!” whispered Allura as she squeezed his hand. The cuban’s eyes shot open and immediately aimed his bayard past Allura, who was blocking the sword with one hand, and straight to the mech’s core, firing on instinct and practice until the android dropped without a sound.

Giddy with their success, the two hardly paused and raced for the finish line, with hands still clasped together. They reached the end with Coran cheering their victory and quickly untied themselves. Lance grabbed Allura by the waist and spun her around - eliciting laughter from the Altean princess. The other two teams eventually made their way to the finish line, Shiro and Pidge in second (with Shiro looking rather guilty and Pidge murderous) and Keith and Hunk in last (both looking rather resign to their fate).

“Coran,” said Pidge angrily after being released. “Did you rig the traps in favor of Allura and Lance? They got through that WAY to easy!”

“Why I would NEVER skew a training exercise in favor of the Princess and my favorite paladin.” said Coran with a wink that lit fire in the green paladin’s eyes. “That would be downright foul and unsportsmanlike.”

Pidge ranted for a while and they all laughed at her murder plans - oh she would go through with her revenge, but it was worth it to see the youngest so relaxed. Nothing like she had been the past few months on earth as she struggled to match her family and provide intelligence to the Garrison. Finally, their time was up and they disbanded, but not before Lance decided to commend Allura for their victory one final time… though he wasn’t really sure why he needed too.

“Congratulations again, my Heart, you were astounding.” Lance murmured quietly. Acting on impulse, he kissed Allura’s brow, it just felt right to do, but knew he was wrong when the Princess gasped backed away with wide eyes. Immediately Lance began to worry.

“Allura, I’m sorry… that was too far. I didn’t mean to make you upset, i was just… honestly i don’t know why I did it. Oh quiznak, I am so sorry.” Lance was rambling but he didn’t know what to do - a touch had caused this and he didn’t want to make it worse.

“It-it’s ok Lance,” muttered Allura as she pulled herself together. Truly a professional the only remains of her distress after a minute were slightly watery eyes. “I was just surprised because, well, because you reminded me of someone I deeply cared for, back on Altea.”

“I understand Princess,” Lance said, and he did to an extent, he had probably looked the same when Shiro had first talked to him in Spanish back on the ship - all he could hear was his family. “I’m sorry  I brought up something so painful… I-I’ll just go now.”

Lance dashed off, and retreated to his room, deaf to the pleas of Allura to wait. Why had Lance said those things? Was it because of the dream?? His feelings were conflicted as his old respect and crush for the Princess fought with this new compassion, but what scared Lance the most, was that the weird dream emotion was winning.


	2. Visions of Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Allura, now Coran... when will the dreams end?

_He watched Coran, his closest advisor, stroke his mustache mindlessly. It was very nearly memorizing the way it pulled flat and then immediately spring back to perfection when released… and also said his Advisor had probably been sneaking into the nunvill again._

_“Coran, what’s wrong?” he said, laying a comforting hand on his best friend’s shoulder._

_“Huh?” questioned Coran. “Nothing is wrong, I’m fit as a Duflax, with twice the energy! Why would you think something is wrong?”_

_He smiled and pointed at the advisor’s hand, which was still stroking his mustache. Coran fights with it for a second, had twitching at his side, before sighing in defeat. “Got me again, I just don’t know what to do, old friend… I not sure I am as good at this as i pretend to be. What if I make a wrong choice, or tell you to make a wrong choice and it destroys everything you worked for?”_

_“Coran, without you none of this would even be a reality,” he said as he hugged his childhood companion. Warmth and trust flooded him, the advisor was his closest friend and he needed to know how important he was. “You are the one who let me see  that all this was even possible. Without you I would be still be chasing tails somewhere in the Thizonian System.”_

_“I just don’t want to let anyone down,” Muttered Coran as he returned the hug and let his head fall to his friend’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to let YOU down.”_

_“Then I’ll just prove to you that such a thing is nearly impossible. As many times as it takes,” he said with a deep chuckle. “In fact, the only way you could let me down is if you shave that mustache of yours… I mean, it’s practically national treasure at this point!”_

Lance spent the next week trying to be anywhere Princess Allura wasn’t, which was proving to be harder than he thought when she started seeking him out.

“Lance, we NEED to talk.” Allura called as Lance did a 180 and ran away for the third time that day. Oh yeah, the Princess was ready to talk, but the paladin wasn’t sure he was ready to face those consequences, and he knew Allura wouldn’t quit until she had answers.

The lanky teen blamed the dreams. They were coming more frequently now, and featured Allura quite often, imprinting his new feeling of fondness for the princess a little deeper each time. He was starting to get used to it though, and imagined that this must be what it is like being a new dad… bit overwhelming at first, but eventually you adjust. Still, Lance was nervous what the others would think about such a sudden change in perspective, so he still put quite a bit of effort into making sure the others didn’t get suspicious.

“Man, have you guys noticed how strong the Princess is?” Lance gushed as he sat with Pidge and Hunk in one of the Garrison kitchens. He had found that it was incredibly easy to compliment Allura skills lately, like a doting dad with a picture his kid just drew. “She carried me up that entire wall without breaking a sweat!”

We know Lance,” said Pidge annoyed. “You literally made faces at us all the way up - faces I still need to repay you for by the way... but what I ACTUALLY want to know why you're avoiding her now.”

“Wh-what do you mean? I’m not avoiding her.” Lance crossed his arms defensively and looked to Hunk for support, but the yellow paladin just sighed.

“Buddy,” the Samoan observed. “You kind of are… we haven’t seen you in the same room as her since the race, and just yesterday I watched you leave an entire plate of GARLIC KNOTS when she walked into the lounge.”

“Yeah and then you go off and annoy us with how amazing you think she is,” the green paladin drawled, setting up to imitate Lance. “‘ _Oh the princess is sooo great, and strong, and look at this thing she did, isn’t it amazing?’_ Seriously Lance, you’re driving us all nuts and Keith can’t even LOOK at you right now.”

Lance cringed; ok maaaaybe he wasn’t dealing with this as well as he thought he was, and maaaaybe his chest got tight every time he thought about how hurt Keith looked the last time they had hung out (like a kicked puppy, adorable but sad), but there was still no way he was confronting Allura yet, not until he knew what was going on.

“Look, some stuff happened and I need to figure it out before I talk to the Princess again.” Lance finally sighed, refusing to make eye-contact with his friends. He owed them some answers for his behavior, but he still didn't want to talk about the dreams - not even with Hunk. “I guess… I overcompensated on praise because I didn’t want you guys to to worry.”

“Idiot,” Pidge muttered as they threw a cookie at his face. It was only the sudden existance of Lance’s hidden ninja skills that let him catch it between his teeth.

“We’re your friends,” said Hunk. “We care about you - even if Pidge never says it. If you don’t want to tell us what’s going on, that’s fine and I don't want to push you, but you don’t have to try and hide that it exists.”

“Yeah, what Hunk said,” Pidge took their own cookie and started munching on it. “But you should still make up with your boyfriend, dating an idiot has to be hard when said idiot reaches a new level of idiocy.”

“Ok one, thank you Hunk, I’m glad at least one of my friends cares.Two, he’s not my boyfriend. Three, let me know if I ever lower myself to your level Pidge, that way I know when I’ve reached rock bottom.” Lance ran laughing as Pidge swore and started chucking more baked goods. Still, the gremlin had a point, even distracted as he was, Lance had see the little frowns on Keith's face, and the mullet had hardly said a word last time they hung out. Apologizing would probably be good.

Turned out FINDING Keith would be even better, the Galaxy Garrison was over 10 times the size of the castle - which is a lot of hiding places for the prince of emo to disappear to; offices, training halls, simulation rooms, hangars, lounges, kitchens, empty hallways, even the Atlas…. Quiznak, he could have left the base all together and Lance would never know. Frustrated, the red paladin made his way towards the Voltron lodgings, at least he could be sure Keith would eventually return there.

Slipping inside the group lounge, he finds it empty asides from Coran, who seemed to be focused on reading something important. Lance hesitated for a moment, his dream last night had included a younger version of Coran and he wasn’t sure what would happen if it came up - the Altean was deadly observant when he wanted to be. Still, Lance didn’t want to avoid another team member if he didn’t have too. Steeling himself, he entered.

Coran barely noticed him,muttering a small ‘welcome back’ as his attention was pulled back to the documents in front of him. Lance was content with the silence at first… but soon found himself watching the old advisor as he pulled at his mustache. The absent-minded gesture left the Cuban boy with a sense of deja vu that quickly grew into a confusing mess of worry. He could tell something was wrong with Coran, and something inside him, something that felt suspiciously like his dream self, wanted to fix it.

“Hey Coran, is everything ok?” sighed Lance, giving easily to the feeling since even his 'real' emotions wanted to help if possible. "Your looking a little stressed there."

“Oh, Number Three, I forgot you were there,” said Coran as he turned towards the boy, a smile plaster neatly on his face. “No, no I’m not stressed at all, just doing a bit of study on your planet’s knowledge. A bit primitive but highly ingenious, it's all fascinating - you human are quite a war-hungry race!”

“Yeah, we humans can get kind of violent when we’re not careful,” Lance chuckled a bit as he watched the Altean continue to stroke his facial hair. “But I think something is actually bugging you… since you haven’t stop pulling on your mustache this entire time.”

Coran’s eyes went wide, but only for a moment before he managed to collect himself himself. With a sigh Coran leaned back and graced Lance with a gentle smile.

“You’re quite observant Lance, only the second person to ever notice this quirk of mine and the first, well the first was my closest friend.” Lance waits patiently for Coran to continue, knowing better than to interrupt the man as he gathered his thoughts. “I suppose I’m feeling the strain coming to your world, and of having to learn so much.

“You see, back when I traveled the universe with the castle, before Altea was destroyed, most societies used some form of Altean technology and those that didn’t were carefully archived with all the necessary information… information I studied more than anyone else. Here, though, all that information is useless. The technology you earthlings use is a completely different standard than anything I have ever seen. The only subjects I'm good for now are the crystal connection in the Atlas, and the handful of ideas your scientists retrofitted into their technology.”

Lance was stunned at how open Coran decided to be, but quickly went to wrap the older man in a secure hug. “I don’t know if I’m the best person to tell you this, but I think you're severely underestimating your own knowledge and skills.”

“I’m serious,” Lance continued as Coran tried to brush the statement off. Still the older man returned the hug and he could feel the same warmth and trust that had come in the dream. It felt nice... almost as good as hugging Hunk, almost. “Yeah, you don’t have a lot of knowledge on human technology… neither do I honestly, and I live here. But humans don’t have any knowledge on what lies beyond this solar system and they’re going to need it. The tech too, you said it yourself - it’s so primitive that they had to use the information YOU gave them to try to catch up! That information is not useless.”

“That doesn’t stop me from being next to hopeless on the Atlas,” muttered the Altean, even as his tone lightened.

“Heh, I think Shiro would actually punch you for saying that after all you did in the last battle. Besides, your job isn’t pilot or navigator, or mechanic… it’s advisor. So yeah, maybe having info on human stuff is important… but your role is far grander than any individual job.”

“When did you get so wise Number Three?” Coran smiled as he dug a little deeper into the hug.

“Sometime between nearly dying for the eight-hundredth time and walking in here - it’s all pretty muddled.” The two maintain their embrace for a minute longer before gently separating, their clothes only a little worse for wear and their smiles fully recharged.

“Alright,” announced the altean, puffing himself up. “I’m going to head down to the Atlas to see if there is anything I can help with… and maybe ask Number Five for help on human gizmos later.”

“Sounds like a plan my man, just keep that glorious ‘mustache of yours out of moving parts - wouldn’t want to damage a national treasure.” Lance grinned, missing the odd look Coran gave him as he left. The red paladin was overjoyed that he was able to help the man with some of his problems, but he had come here for another reason, which appeared as if summoned by the very thought of him.

“Keith, your here!” exclaimed Lance.

“Uh yeah, but I should probably go train… or something.” Keith muttered, eyes down and already turning around. “Later Lance.”

“Wait, I need to talk to you.” Lance chased the black paladin as he attempted to flee. They raced through corridors and lecture halls, at top speed. At one point Lance worried that he had lost the other boy, but caught a glance of raven hair as he ran down the stairs. Finally Keith missteped and the two found themselves squared off at a dead end hallway. “Please, just hear me out, I really need to explain everything to you.”

“...Fine.” Keith sighed, a frown on his face. The two quickly retreated and found a small classroom that looked unused with desks piled in the corner. The two sat on the floor as Lance collected his thoughts.

“Look Keith, I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting lately, I’ve been a jerk you.” Lance paused, almost hoping Keith would refute the claim and said that he could never be a jerk, but his hopes are quickly dashed.

“Go on….” drawled the emo edgelord looking down his nose at him. Why did Lance have to fall for the weird ones?

“I- something happened after the race last week between Allura and me. I’m not quite sure what exactly, but it kinda changed everything and I’ve been trying to figure it out. I didn’t want you guys to worry so I maaay have gone a little heavy handed on praising her to make up for the lack of contact. I’m sorry, that was unfair.”

“Look Lance, I don’t care about any loverspats you and Allura have,” spluttered Keith as his face reddened. “You two should just make up already and keep your PDA away from me.”

Now it was Lance’s turn to splutter. “LOVERSPATS?! Keith, we’re not dating! I don’t feel that way for her!”

"Bullshit. We all know that you have a huge ass crush on her!"

"I mean, I think I had one before... ok I definitely had one before, but I can honestly say I don't like her like that anymore."

“Then what’s with all the flirting?!”

“Newsflash Keith, I flirt with everyone - you included!”

Both of their faces were red as Keith tried to catch his breath after all the screaming. Neither speak for a while.

“So you’re really not dating,” Keith finally asks as he pouts at Lance. Lance meanwhile immediately starts having a heart attack over how simultaneously adorable and sexy the other boy was.

“Dios Mío dude, I promise, we are really not dating. I can't really say what my feelings are anymore, but they are 100% NOT romantic.”

“Oh…” The silence stretches again for a few minutes before Keith speaks again. “Do you want to go grab some pizza or something?”

“.... sure, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early fluff makes later angst all the sweeter... enjoy it while you can. 
> 
> I honestly think this is the most I have ever written in one day - when inspiration strikes i guess.


	3. Thoughts of Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is torn... what should he do?

_He left the ship and stepped out upon the rocky surface of one of the Balmera. Hopefully this would be quick, as Melenor was nearly ready to give birth and he didn’t want miss it, but Old man Hieronymus would hear no excuses and demanded a battle-class crystal for his castle. Today. As soon as possible._

_“Your majesty it is a pleasure to greet you today,” said one of the Balmeran elders as they stepped forward. “What can we assist with today?”_

_He put away his agitation for Coran’s grandfather, and explained the need for a battle-class crystal. The Balmerans were quick to lead him into the caverns of the beast-planet and to a large, shining crystal, already quite used to supplying Alteans. Placing his palms onto the crystal, he connected to the ancient Balmera and offered it a steady stream of his Quintessence._

_The Altean felt the slow, always present energy around him and smiled as the ancient planet-beast silently purred under the flux of power. This is always his favorite part, sharing life with creatures around the universe, it is why he took the trials of Oriande in the first place, and why later he built the lions. A thought, that this particular Balmera had probably not shared in a long time - as it was a ways from the interstellar highways, came to him, so he gave a little more quintessence than needed, just to show his appreciation._

_Eventually the ceremony was complete and the Balmeran lifted the the newly taken crystal to his ship. As he watched, his agitation began to grow once more as the patience of the planet bled from his system… what if Melenor had already given birth? What if something had happened to her? What if something happened to the child?! He cursed the old man and his need for crystals. Ready to leave, he started to make his way out when his cuff snagged on the smallest of crystals. With a touch of the wall to unhook himself, he felt the Balmera’s gift in the crystal. Hope for the new life he would soon greet, and an ancient blessing for the child’s happiness._

 

Lance was out of time, and soon to be out of places to hide. Atlas and team Voltron were set to depart Earth in three days, which meant that escaping Allura would be all but impossible. He had been hoping that the dreams would give him some clue on how to continue, but he was just getting more confused as they went on. Lance dreamed about a life on what he assumed was Altea, fighting with Paladins he didn’t know to bring peace to the universe, and last night he used what he was pretty sure was Quintessence to retrieve a Balmeran crystal.

Coran was not helping matters. The old advisor had become quite attached to the poor paladin and had taken to helping him whenever possible - from paperwork to escaping the princess, to a simple hug. However Lance had drawn hard lines when Coran offered to provide him traditional Altean undergarments that look like more like bondage wear than support. Definitely not a gift he wanted, except maybe from Keith. Much like with Allura though, Lance could feel his original feelings for the old Altean slowly being overridden by the new ones. Though it was more subtle, it felt weird to look at Coran and feel like they had been friends for a lifetime - like being with Hunk, but much, much longer.

Speaking of his friends, he couldn’t even talk to Hunk or Pidge about it, not only had he still not decided if he wanted to share the dreams yet, but the two of them had attracted Allura's attention and she was staying close in the hopes of catching the Cuban off guard. Only a quick text from Pidge had saved him from THAT trap.

Keith was off the table too, having left the Garrison after their pizza “date” to go sort out his shack and stuff before they left again. Lance really hoped it was a date, but the Master of Mullets had left too quickly for Lance to ask, only promising to be back soon. So instead, the red paladin resorted to wandering the halls randomly. He was never quite sure where he would end up, but a few days ago he found a hanger full of WWIII memorabilia and a popcorn machine, so the exploration hadn’t been a total waste.

Today though, he was pretty sure he was near the officer’s wing, judging from the uniform stripes that kept walking by, but it was only when Rear Admiral Santos turned the corner that Lance knew he need to escape to a new location. Keeping his eyes down, the paladin flipped around and walked right into someone.

“Woah, easy there Lance,” said Shiro gently as the younger tried to catch his balance. “It everything ok?”  
“Wha-what? Shiro, man I didn’t see you there,” Stuttered Lance nervously. “I’m just taking a walk is all.”   
“Taking a walk… in the Senior Officer’s wing?”

“Yeah, I mean, I didn’t know what it was when I came this way, I wasn’t paying much attention really, it was more random than anything. I only just noticed a tick ago, and turned around when I bumped into you, and man i am so sorry about bumping you and, quiznak why am I still using ticks when were not in space, man I’m so -”

“Lance,” interrupted Shiro. “Your rambling.”  
“Sorry.” Lance lowered his head and took a few deep breaths until his shoulders relaxed. “I’ll go now.”

“Hey wait,” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m free today,  if you want to talk, maybe go for a ride.”

Lance was quiet for a few moments. The boy didn’t want to inconvenience Shiro with his stupid dreams and petty drama, but Shiro _HAD_ been the one to offer, and he needed to figure it out before they needed to form Voltron again... The red paladin hesitantly nodded and let Shiro lead him out of the Officer’s wing and towards one of the hangers. Inside the older man lead him towards an old hoverbike that reminded Lance of a story Keith had told him weeks ago.

“You’re not bringing me cliff jumping are you?” asked Lance, a small smile on his lips.

“Not unless Keith’s _enthralling_ accounts of the activity suddenly made you want to try.” Shiro laughed with a knowing look. The last time the two had went, Keith apparently had been rushed to the hospital with a piece of bike sticking out of his stomach, which Lance did NOT want to replicate. “I had another destination in mind though.”

With helmets on, the red paladin climbed behind Shiro and clung as they took off. Lance laughed, already it was far more comfortable than the last hoverbike ride he’d been on. It was hard to believe it had been YEARS since they fated day when they rescued Shiro. He marveled at how much they had done and what they had seen as the bike raced through the desert.

“We’re here,” said Shiro after roughly a half hour. Lance looked up and immediately recognized it. Blue’s cave. “Sorry it took so long, had to take a detour to avoid falling a hundred meters.”

Lance laughed and the two entered the cave, marveling at the markings on the wall, each displaying blue with grandeur and grace. He touched one, but it no longer glowed… not for him. It still hurt sometimes, blue pushing him away, but he knew it had been necessary and red cared just as much for him. Probably.

“You know,” Shiro began, sighing as he rubbed his neck. The man had probably seen the longing in the ex-blue paladin's eyes. “I miss flying Black with all of you. I know I had to step down and take a different role, be a strong leader from the outside, and the Atlas is great… but it’s not the same. It’s not Voltron.”

Lance was blown away. he hadn’t thought that Shiro would share, but it made him feel trusted, like the close confidant he always aimed to be with the others, but never seemed to actually succeed at. For a moment, he was so glad Shiro was not one of the ones he saw in his dreams, but as he looked, the prosthetic arm pulsed blue and he remembered that it was powered by the crystal in Allura's tiara - the same crystal he had just dreamed of finding. It was all connected.

“I-,” Lance began before pausing and recollecting himself. Even with the crystal, it wasn't like Shiro was personally involved in the dreams. “Have you ever thought about what it would be like to remember a past life?”

It was a dodge, an obvious one, but Shiro didn’t push. “I think everyone has at some point, though I must admit I gave up the idea of ever finding out a while before the Kerberos mission.”

Lance laughed shakily but pressed on, hoping to still get something. “What would you do if you remembered some if it, and saw people you know now in those memories?”

“That’s a tough question,” Shiro admitted, sitting against the wall. Lance quickly joined him, enjoying the feel of cool stone against his back. “I think it would depend on what I saw and who was in it… but then again, it’s not like I am the shining star of talking about memories to others.”

Lance nodded sagely, but mentally berated himself. Of course there was no simple answer, and the fear of Team Voltron thinking the red paladin was insane was starting to congeal in his chest. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t tell them that he was getting so worked up over these weird dreams. He would just have to avoid Allura forever. Lance started to laugh and tell Shiro thanks for humoring his stupid questions, to leave before it got awkward, but was cut short as the man started talking again.

“I think,” Shiro said quietly. “That I trust you and the rest of Voltron to tell them though. We have been through so much, and fought so hard, I really don’t think those bonds are breakable anymore. We are a team, now and forever.

“Listen Lance, I don’t know exactly what your going through right now, and I don’t want to force you to do anything, but if we can help you somehow, even just by listening to your troubles, I can honestly say all of us would be willing to do what it takes to figure it out and make it work. You can trust us.”

The red paladin stared in shock at Shiro, who was being very careful to keep his eyes on the drawings near the ceiling. The ex-black paladin always seemed to have a knack for cutting straight to the issue, but Lance hadn’t realized he had needed to hear those words so badly, needed that validation and permission to trust. To trust the team, to trust himself to do so. Tears welled up silently and Shiro, in all his boy-scout goodness, pulled Lance close and let the younger man cry into his shoulder.

They stayed like that, quiet, until the sun began to set, dying the cave in warm golds and reds, and Lance was all cried out. Exhausted, but content, the two made their way back to the Garrison - Shiro gently driving while the red paladin nodded off against his back. The older man smiled, glad that Pidge had text him asking to check on Lance. He had been busy planning their return to space and had missed a lot the past few weeks, but Team Voltron looked out for each other, and Shiro trusted no one would be forgotten, even if one was unavailable.

After parking, the leader gently roused Lance and sent him to bed, reminding him they were leaving in a couple days. Nodding the Cuban trudged off, eyes still bleary with sleep, but not before turning back to Shiro, a thought on his lips.

"You know," he slurred, voice thick with sleep. "Voltron is more than just flying the giant cat robots. It's about sharing life and helping the universe, especially when we're not fighting. I think that means you're always going fly with Voltron, lion or not."

If there was any response from Shiro, he didn't hear it as he walked away - intent on getting to bed before his legs gave out in the hallway. He wasn’t sure why emotional vulnerability was so exhausting, but it sucked, and it was only made worse when he finally collapsed on the bed, only to hear a “oomph” from underneath him.

“What the… Lance?” groaned a very confused, recently returned Keith who had just been assaulted in HIS bed. “What are you doing?”

“Whoops, wrong room…” muttered Lance after a moment. “Sorry mullet.”

The red paladin struggled to stand, but his legs betrayed him - refusing to find strength enough to move off the boy below. After a few minutes of attempts, Keith sighed with impatience.

“Whatever, just get you butt in here,” said the black paladin as he pulled the boy off him and onto the mattress. The bed was only a twin, so the two snuggled close, Keith wrapping his arms around Lance. “You’re obviously too tired to go anywhere else.”

“Sorry…” Lance apologized again, but was already falling back into slumber under the comfort of Keith’s embrace as the dark haired boy ran fingers through his bedmate's hair. He would definitely tell them. Tomorrow. Probably. Maybe. But he would tell them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoot, another chapter done - I think we have interacted with everyone on the team now, so next is Lance finally sucking it up pushing the plot forward.


	4. Nightmares of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to put your memories where your mouth is.

_ He had done it - All the lions, except Red, were carefully hidden and Allura and Coran were safe until he finished this war - ending the man who had destroyed everything. Anger, grief, and hatred flooded him with more power than he thought could exist within him.  _

_ Zarkon. _

_ He would pay for everything he had wrought upon Altea and his family. Suffer for the pain he had brought to the Universe. _

_ The red lion landed upon the flaming remains of Altea, the stench of smoke and charred flesh permeating even the closed cockpit. He gripped his bayard tighter and descended. As soon as he was out, Red left. It was a fight he had already won with the sentient lion - she could not afford to be captured by Galra forces if they were to succeed. Turning from the departed lion he walked the ruins of his land, already knowing where he had to go. _

_ His eyes stung from smoke as he reached the Bridge of Promise. Once, he and Zarkon had sworn to bring peace to the universe upon it’s stones, but now… well he didn’t want to think about it. Instead he trained his eyes on the lone figure before him, with cape billowing in the heat of the flames. _

_ “You do not understand, old friend.” Zarkon said calmly as he watched the planet burn. “Quintessence is a power greater than either of us imagined, and I have grasped it.” _

_ “I am no friend to you” he snarled, summoning his bayard to sword form. “And I will keep my oath to put a stop to any who would plunge the universe into darkness.” _

_ “Then you will die a failure.” _

_ Their fight did not last long, Zarkon had always been a better close-range fighter than him, and the Galran used the flames around them to his advantage, dashing in and out of the heat with impunity. Block after block, strike after strike, he felt his strength fade, gone quickly after using so much energy to save what he could. He could hear Zarkon's dark laughter as the Galran toyed with him, content to watch the suffering, until at last he struck. _

_ “Goodbye Alfor,” Zarkon sneered as his sword ripped open the Altean’s stomach. “It’s a shame you’ll never see how strong the Galra Empire will become.” _

_ Alfor closed his eyes, focusing on the faces of his loved ones. Melenor. Coran. Trigel. Gyrgan. Blaytz. Allura. Some gone, some he hoped had a future still, even Zarkon before he and Honerva had given themselves to the Quintessence... He was glad he had saved his memories to the castle. Maybe it would ease the loss for Allura, help guide her and the new paladins, whenever they appeared. Feeling the darkness encroach, he gave in to it and sighed as the pain faded… _

Gasping for air, Lance jolted awake and launched himself out of bed, only barely making it to en-suite in time to evacuate his stomach. Keith followed moments after, clutching his knife and looking very confused at the lack of enemies to stab.

“Lance what happened, are you ok?” Keith asked. Realizing it was not a physical threat, he stowed his knife in his boxers.

“Za-zarkon,” he managed to gasp between retching. Keith winced and kneeled behind the other boy to rub his back sympathetically. They ALL had nightmares from this war and, although Lance’s dreams were usually of Haggar or the people he killed, it didn’t surprise the leader that Zarkon would appear.

“It’s ok Lance, it’s just a dream. Zarkon is long gone, he can’t hurt you.”

Lance would have laughed if he had the breath for it. Zarkon had already hurt him, or rather the other him...Alfor. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, did everything he could to brush the idea aside and pretend. but there was no denying it now, King Alfor was his dream self. The remnant pain and grief still washed over him, unyielding and constant as Alfor had never had time to process the feelings. They were still fresh, still raw as the feeling of his insides exposed to the fires. He reached for his stomach a third time only to again feel whole skin. Keith continued to console the red paladin, until the pain receded and he stopped vomiting, muttering gentle promises of safety in his ears. 

“Sorry mullet,” whispered Lance, his throat raw from acid. “Didn’t mean to ruin our slumber party.”

“You know I don’t care about that. Besides, you’ve done the same for my nightmares.”

Lance laughed quietly. “I think dodging your knife flying at my head is a little different than watching me be sick, but thanks.” 

“... do you want to talk about it?” Keith made the offer hesitantly. Lance closed his eyes and thought. He had promised himself that he would talk about all of this today, but was he really ready? Definitely not, but he was started to doubt that would ever change. The fear of what everyone would think still shook him, especially the reactions of the Alteans and Keith… Lance didn’t want them to see him differently. He just wanted to be Lance - loverboy, sharpshooter, and paladin of Voltron. Memory keeper for the deceased King of Altea was  _ NOT  _ a part of that.

Not that he hadn’t known for a while that it was Alfor’s life he was dreaming of, it was all but assured out once Allura and Coran started appearing, but he had still been in denial until last night when the Galran Emperor killed him.

_ “Goodbye Alfor...”  _

Lance  _ HATED _ that Zarkon was the first to call him by name in the dream-memories, it felt poisoned somehow. However, he wasn’t sure if it was because  _ he _ was insulted, or if  _ Alfor _ was insulted. Did it matter? Lance truly hoped it mattered, even as his own hatred of Zarkon, rooted in his disgust for all the damage he did to the universe and his friends, was morphed into something more personal and raw thanks to the king’s memories. 

“Lance,  _ LANCE,” _ Keith shook him back into the moment, still sitting on the bathroom floor. “Are you ok? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you.”

“N-no, it good, sorry,” Lance stuttered as he re-orientated himself. He had to make a choice. “I… I think I need a shower before I talk about this. Can you get everyone while I get ready?”

“Wait, you want the whole team for this? I thought it was just a dream?”

“It’s… more than last night’s dream, and I don’t want to tell it more than once. Please Keith?”

The two locked eyes for a moment; Keith’s concern meeting Lance’s plea, and the leader nodded. “Ok, I’ll gather the team while you clean up. Allura too?”

“Allura too.” Keith nodded again and left. 

Lance took his time in the shower, letting the hot water run down his body for over an hour as he rubbed his flawless stomach again and again in a need to make sure it wasn’t cut open. It happened sometimes in the pods as well - the feeling that an injury should be there but was gone, but the pods left scars, memories to prove you weren’t crazy. This was so much worse. There was nothing left of the stomach injury because it hadn’t been Lance who had been cut. But he had felt it, been injured enough to know what real pain was. And this had been real. 

Eventually he got out, silently apologizing for any cold showers he caused with the incredible amount of hot water he had just wasted, and dressed to meet with everyone. Keith was sitting on his bed waiting, a small smile on his lips. Without a word, he stood up and the two paladins walked together the group lounge.

The team had all managed to pile around a single couch, Hunk and Shiro took two of the actual seats, with Pidge lounging on their laps; the three talking together quietly until they notice Lance’s entrance. Allura had taken to the remaining one, impatience showing on her face, with Coran standing behind them wearing a gentle smile as if he already knew what was happening. As soon as they entered, Keith broke off and plopped onto the couch’s arm, folding his own across his chest. Lance would have smiled, but the tension in the air was palpable. He gulped and moved to stand in front of everyone.

“Lance, what is this all about,” demanded Pidge. “Keith was very vague on why you wanted all of us.”

“To be fair,” replied Keith. “I don’t really know either.”

“Lance,” interjected Allura, impatience obviously winning over her self-control. “What is the meaning of all this? Why have you been avoiding me? I want to know what happened during the the relay race, and Coran is acting weird around you too. Are you -”

“Now Princess,” said Coran as he placed his hands upon her shoulders. “Maybe we should let Lance speak since he was the one who called this meeting, and not you. I am sure  _ everyone  _ is curious and would like to hear the answer.”

The advisors words seemed to cast a spell of silence on the room, leaving only their eyes to watch the red paladin… which was in NO WAY at all nerve-wracking to Lance. And it certainly didn’t leave his hands fumbling with the bottom of his shirt while his brain tried to remember the speech he had just spent an hour forming in his head. Ah, sarcasm. Lance didn’t know how long he stood there before he heard Hunk whisper his name in concern; knocking him out the trance. 

“I- I’ve been having weird dreams,” muttered Lance to his feet. He heard what he thought was a dismissive noise, but when he looked up Pidge’s mouth was being restrained by a floating, metal hand, so he continued.

“They’ve been happening for a while and in them, I’m not me - I mean I’m still me but I’m also someone else if that makes sense. At first, it was just fighting and flirting with aliens, which was cool, but then Allura started popping up...Coran too.”

“And what makes them so different from normal dreams or nightmares?” Shiro gently probed.

“I think they’re like memories, or at least similar. When I see Allura and Coran, they’re usually younger than now, and I can see Altea in a lot of them, or I’m pretty sure it’s Altea of Coran’s stories are accurate. Plus, when they happen, they  _ feel  _ like I’m there and the thoughts and feelings the dream memories give, they don’t feel weird. They feel like they came from me and when I wake up those feelings are still there.”

“Wait, what do you mean the feelings are still there?” Pidge demanded, having finally freed their voice from Shiro’s clutches.

“Well… you know that I had a major crush on Allura, right?”

“Had? As in past tense?”

“Yeah. When I dreamt about her I still loved her, but... it didn’t feel romantic. It was more like the love I have for my nieces.. Except stronger. A LOT stronger. And… It kinda carried over when I woke up. When we did the relay race, my feelings had already changed.”

“That... explains a lot actually,” ventured Allura thinking. “You hardly flirted, didn’t try to show off, and… oh quiznak, the kiss- It was platonic!”

“Wait what kiss?!” Keith demanded, head bobbing between Lance and the Princess. Lance chuckled.

“It was just a kiss to the forehead; I was- well, I was proud of her and it felt right. I didn’t really think about it.”

“I’ll be honest Lance, when you told me you’d trust me with all the stars in the cosmos, and again when you kissed me, it felt like…” her words petered out, as if she didn’t trust their conclusion.

“It felt like your father. Like King Alfor.” supplied Lance as everyone gasped. The boy wrapped his arms over his chest, gripping tight in an effort to ground himself. This was the hardest part.

“Bu-but  _ how? _ ” Allura whispered from behind her hands.

“I’m not sure… and I didn’t believe it a first either but there is no other explanation. Not for my knowledge of your childhood, not for my ability to see Coran’s smallest ticks, and  _ definitely _ not for my dream last night.”

Lance, you mentioned Zarkon this morning. Did he…?

The Cuban nodded, digging his fingers deeper into his arm as he recalled. “Last night, I dreamt about the fall of Altea and his final fight with Zarkon. It wasn’t pretty, everything was burning and there was screaming… So many screams. I just felt anger and betrayal the entire time we fought, that my friend would destroy everything I and we fought on the bridge until I- he…. we died. Until he cut us open. But before it all ended, he mentioned Alfor’s name; while he laughed at the attempt to stop the Galra Empire.” 

Lance watched their faces, and hated what he saw. Allura burst into tears, the thought of Altea’s loss, her father’s loss, was too much. Lance had never seen her so destroyed, even in the memories, and it broke his heart. Her shoulder shook as sobs rocked her frame and she was lost, probably relieving her last moments with Alfor, moments he was now intimately aware of.

Coran wouldn’t look at him. Head tilted down as he tried to console the princess. His eyes glanced up only once, before forcefully turning away… and it tore something in Lance because that one look was enough to see the pain, looking at Alfor, not him.

Shiro too was lost. He had fought Zarkon, lost his life in that battle as well. Could probably hear his laugh play through the memories, feel his spirit being ripped out of his body into the black lion. Lance had triggered that. Made him relieve these terrible thoughts for what? It had been stupid to tell them, and Shiro now had to pay for  _ his  _ dream.

Hunk and Pidge stared through their friend. Lance didn’t think they actually saw him at this point - so focused on the idea that he could be Alfor, that he swore he could see their perception of him change; watching him like they would a stranger. Everything would be different and he couldn’t take it back.

Keith hurt the worst. Keith still looked at him, but with new emotions. Gone were the gentle teasing, and comfort; replaced with anger and… fear. Keith was afraid. Afraid of Lance, and that sent him spiraling. Lance heard his own sob escape his lips as curled into a ball if front of them.

“IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRYIMSorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry..imsorry..imsorry…” over and over again he muttered his apology, shaking as he slowly rocked on the ground as panic wound through him. He could barely breath, barely think, and his heart raced until Lance thought that it would explode, but still he begged forgiveness.

Nobody went to him.

Nobody spoke, or moved, or even listened. They just watched as Lance fell over the edge in front of them until blessed darkness swallowed Lance’s panic, and he knew no more. It felt an awful lot like dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoot. Here's that langst I promised, and I'm not done. I hope it hurts you as much as it hurt me. And it hurt me a lot.
> 
> This was hard to write... I think I redid it about 4 times, so sorry it took so long. I will try to get the next one up faster, but FINALS are coming and I'm going to die. So if the next chapter isn't held of... it might be the one after it. I'll keep you informed ;)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!


	5. Extra: What Do I Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith POV

Keith watched Lance collapse, gasping for breath as a never ending string of apologies left his lips, but the black paladin couldn’t move. Anger and fear kept him still. Anger for Zarkon who somehow, even after death, managed to hurt the people he cared about. He wanted to resurrect Zarkon JUST to kill him again for this. Images of Lance shaking on the bathroom floor this morning floated through his head and only fueled his anger more.

The fear is what kept him rooted though. When Lance had talked about Zarkon betraying him, Keith’s brain immediately made the worst possible scenario. What if, since Alfor’s feelings kept overwriting Lances, the same happened to his feelings on Galra and, since Zarkon was gone, what if those feelings had attached themselves to the next best thing. What if those feelings overwrote everything he had with Lance… destroyed the feelings that he was still trying to pry from Lance’s moisturized lips. He wanted to comfort Lance, but the fear of finding hate in the Cuban boy’s eyes left him only watching as the boy he cared about lay gasping on the floor. He felt selfish… and powerless as he watched Lance cry himself into unconsciousness.

It was Coran that moved to pick the boy up off the floor and take him to his room. Keith went to follow, but a cold hand on his shoulder gave him pause until he physically started to shake.

“What do I do Shiro,” Keith whispered, still staring at the door Lance was carried through, his heart racing in his panic. “Wha- what if he hates me, what if he stops being Lance? How do I help him? I couldn’t… I couldn’t go to him. He was right in front of me Shiro and I couldn't do it. I'm a terrible leader and friend. I was so scared he might hate me because I’m Galra. What do I do?”

"None of us were able to help him,"muttered Shiro quietly as he turned Keith around and pulled him into a bone-creaking hug. The boy tensed at first before relaxing into the arms around him, head resting on his brother’s shoulder. Slowly Keith’s pulse dropped and his breath evened out. "No a single one of us helped him, you're not alone... but we need to support him, when he wakes up."

"How?"

“All we can do is be there of him. Be there and trust in Lance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short, but I decided this was needed. I might (probably) revamp it later, but I'll let you know. Next REAL chapter is almost done so this is what you get for now.


End file.
